Rewind: Time: 1970. Place: Rangely Junior College, Rangely, Colorado. Subject: Psychology 101. Question of the day: "How many of you young ladies are NOT going to be like your mother?" Every female hand rose in unison. I mean really?!? We were, after all, teenagers at the time he posed this question! "Well," replied the instructor, "98% of you will be just like your mother." At this point I am pretty certain every female brain was thinking, "I am one of the 2%." I know I certainly was. Looking back it is unfortunate the professor did not take the thought process a few steps farther and ask: "Why, at 18 years of age , do you NOT want to be like your mother?"
I realize now that at that moment in time I was focusing only on the negative. The negative being my mother's ability to worry about the slightest of things. She played the 'what if' game so wonderfully well. I swore I would never be like that. Then one day I woke up and said to myself: "Mirror, mirror on the wall I am my mother after all." Well, I actually did not think it in those words. It was more like: "Oh my #@*!, I am my mother's child." But two things I have access to that she did not have that helped me give that game up is: 1.) Medication. Modern day medication is a god send. 2.) The Gospel of Jesus Christ. Faith and fear can not co-exist. I am so very grateful for both and truly wish she could have enjoyed their benefits while going through her mortal trials.
Now with the wisdom of the ages I realize my mother was not a perfect mother. I was not a perfect child and we certainly did not live in a perfect world. I realize she had many positive traits. She was kind, especially to the underdog. She did not like confrontation. She did not want to hurt anyone's feelings. She loved God's creatures. She was an exceptional cook. She could sew. She could can. She was a homemaker at heart. But two of my favorite memories and teaching moments are:
1.) I went with my mother to an Al Anon meeting. We had four in attendance. One was the counselor, two were the wives of men with substance abuse problems, and the fourth one was me. The one woman's concern was the fact that her emotional and intimate physical needs were not being met. The counselor adviced her to go have an affair. My mother's main 'worry' was finances. The advice was: "For every dollar your husband spends at the bar you go spend that same amount on something you want." My mother replied she could never do that. Wise woman. Like two wrongs could make one right. I grew up with a wringer washer and no dryer. My mother did all the laundry. Materialism was something my mother never got caught up in. Which leads in to lesson #2.
2.) When my maternal grandfather passed away (his wife had passed on many years before) his daughter Marilyn was in charge of the estate. No one ever really knew what his finances entailed except for this daughter. She had in her possession all of his material and financial matters. In all honesty I do not think it was much, but only she knew. She gifted each child x amount of money. I distinctly remember asking my mom if it bothered her that Marilyn, so to speak, had 'everything'. My mother's response is etched in my brain (so glad something is etched there!) and on my heart. She said: "Oh no Claudia! Marilyn took such good care of daddy she deserves it all!" Now both parents and four of the five children are all on the other side of the veil. Material and financial possessions...who knows, who cares.
If the question posed by the psychology Professor was put to me this day I would have to hold my head up high to her postive goodness and be grateful I experienced for a small moment in time her anxiety. It has made me much more understanding and compassionate as to what she dealt with in her mortal life.
1.) I went with my mother to an Al Anon meeting. We had four in attendance. One was the counselor, two were the wives of men with substance abuse problems, and the fourth one was me. The one woman's concern was the fact that her emotional and intimate physical needs were not being met. The counselor adviced her to go have an affair. My mother's main 'worry' was finances. The advice was: "For every dollar your husband spends at the bar you go spend that same amount on something you want." My mother replied she could never do that. Wise woman. Like two wrongs could make one right. I grew up with a wringer washer and no dryer. My mother did all the laundry. Materialism was something my mother never got caught up in. Which leads in to lesson #2.
2.) When my maternal grandfather passed away (his wife had passed on many years before) his daughter Marilyn was in charge of the estate. No one ever really knew what his finances entailed except for this daughter. She had in her possession all of his material and financial matters. In all honesty I do not think it was much, but only she knew. She gifted each child x amount of money. I distinctly remember asking my mom if it bothered her that Marilyn, so to speak, had 'everything'. My mother's response is etched in my brain (so glad something is etched there!) and on my heart. She said: "Oh no Claudia! Marilyn took such good care of daddy she deserves it all!" Now both parents and four of the five children are all on the other side of the veil. Material and financial possessions...who knows, who cares.
If the question posed by the psychology Professor was put to me this day I would have to hold my head up high to her postive goodness and be grateful I experienced for a small moment in time her anxiety. It has made me much more understanding and compassionate as to what she dealt with in her mortal life.
School photo of Genevieve Elva Wells Hardy. She worked in the school lunch program for the sum of four years. Not to purchase a washer or dryer, but to help her daughter with the expenses of college.
A photo of Genevieve in her favorite role of mother and grandmother. Left to Right: Genevieve, Brandon, Sean, and Brent Hardy. I hope she is experiencing a most wonderful Mother's Day on the other side of the veil. I also hope she is not worrying about her children and grandchildren on this side of the veil! Happy Mother's Day Mom! Thanks for everything! 
I am grateful for the mother you have been to my husband. He is truly a great man and I owe it all to you for teaching him. You also teach me many things as well, and I thank you for that. Happy Mother's Day Claudia, and I love you!
ReplyDeleteMel, that was so sweet of you!! Thanks so much!! It made my day! Jon is a great man, he came down that way! Thank goodness for the Gospel that helps to shape and mold us.
ReplyDeleteShe was one of the kindest most positive people I knew. I was always amazed that she and Jack fit that role better than anyone else I remember watching and observing during those impressionable childhood years. I sure pray and hope they have accepted the gospel, and I'm nearly sure they have . . . but that was such a good lesson to me, that the two most Christlike people I knew weren't LDS. That always gave me the outlook I needed to brave the world outside of UT. She wasn't just a good cook . . . she was the best! And not just because her food really was yummy, but because I always sensed she was thrilled to make a feast for us whenever we stayed the night. I'd love to go on just one more neighborhood walk with my dear sweet Grandma.
ReplyDeleteYou indeed had a wonderful mother. The kids and I were most fortunate to call her "Grandma." She was exactly what I thought a grandma should be, not having had one of my own. I'm kinda glad you've discovered that you "are your mother afterall." No greater compliment could be paid you.
ReplyDeleteThank you, for being such a wonderful mother to our children. AND such a grandmother extraordinaire to our grandchildren. We all love you so very very much, and consider ourselves most blessed to claim you as ours.
Love, Scott